H. J. M. Nouwen
Since the time you asked me to write something about spiritual life for you and your friends, I have been preoccupied with the question of whether there is a word I would like you to remember after reading everything I want to share with you. Over the past year, this word has slowly emerged from the depths of my heart. It is the word “beloved.” Because I am Christian, I first heard this wonderful word in the story of the baptism of Jesus of Nazareth. “As soon as Jesus came up out of the water, behold – the heavens were opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming to rest on him. And a voice from heaven said: ‘This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.’”
For years, I have read these words over and over, reflected on them, and even preached and lectured about them, but only after our conversations in New York did they take on a meaning for me that goes far beyond my own religious tradition. Our many conversations have led me to the inner conviction that these words: “You are my beloved son” reveal the innermost truth of every person, regardless of which particular tradition they belong to.
Frede, everything I want to say to you is encapsulated in the proverb: “You are a beloved person.”
We are blessed
As beloved children of God, we are blessed. The word “blessing” has become very important to me in recent years, and you are one of the people who has led me to this.
Do you still remember the Saturday morning when you took me to the synagogue in New York City? When we arrived, we found that a “bar mitzvah” was taking place. A thirteen-year-old boy was being accepted by the community into adulthood. He presided over the service for the first time. He read a passage from the book of Genesis and had a brief speech about how important it is to be considerate of one’s surroundings. The rabbi and his friends affirmed him, and his parents gave him their blessing. It was my first experience of a bar mitzvah, and I was deeply moved – primarily by the blessing of the parents. I can still hear the father saying: “My son, whatever happens to you in your life, whether you are successful or not, whether you are famous or not, whether you are healthy or not – always remember that your mother and I love you more than anything.” When he said this in front of the entire community while looking affectionately at the young man standing before him, tears welled up in my eyes, and I thought: “What a grace such a blessing is.”
I increasingly realize how we, anxious, fearful, uncertain human beings, need blessings. Children need the blessings of their parents; parents need the blessings of their children. We all need to bless each other: teachers and students, rabbis and pupils, bishops and priests, lovers and friends.
But allow me to first explain what is meant by the word “blessing.” In Latin, to bless means “benedicere.” The word “benedicere,” which appears in the language of many churches, literally means: to say (dicere) something good (bene) about someone. I see a deep meaning in that. For I truly need to hear good things being said about me, and I know how much you depend on this as well. Today, we often talk about needing to affirm each other. If we don’t sometimes experience affirmation, we can only live poorly. When we bless someone, it means we give them affirmation in its highest form.
A blessing is fundamentally more than a word of praise or recognition; it is more than pointing out someone’s abilities or good deeds; it means more than putting someone in a good light. To speak a blessing over someone means to express agreement that this person is loved and to confirm that. But even more: blessing creates a reality of which it speaks. In our world, there is much mutual admiration, but also much mutual judgment. Every blessing goes far beyond the distinction of admiration or condemnation, virtue or vice, good or bad deeds. Blessing touches the original goodness of the other and evokes in them the feeling of being loved.
The words of blessing we express to each other are echoes of the blessing that rests upon us from eternity. It is the deepest agreement with our true being. We need continual blessings that explicitly tell us again and again the truth that we belong to a loving God, who will never abandon us, but will always remind us anew that we are guided by love at every step of our lives.
Translated by: V. Pola
Continuation in the next issue.
continuation
