After experiencing the deepest despair regarding my own strength and abilities, I realized that I could no longer trust myself, so it made sense to place my trust in God. It was a grace that God had offered me my entire life, but which I never had the courage to accept in its fullness. I claimed that I trusted Him – and surely I did trust Him – but never enough to overlook all other possible sources of strength and support and rely solely on His grace. I never got to the point of completely surrendering myself. Until now, I had trusted Him and collaborated with His grace, but it had its limits. Only after I found myself at the bottom of my strength was I able to completely surrender to God. It was not something I undertook, something I longed for, something I worked for, or something I deserved in any way. Like every other grace from God, this too was truly a gift: it was death and resurrection in one.
(Walter J. Ciszek SJ /1904–1984/, He Leads Me, Chapter 7)
