(Prepared by P. Gorazd, O.Carm.)
The phrase "bad, unsuccessful start" is used in the realm of sports, and I borrowed it to introduce the thoughts I would like to present to you now. With the Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, we concluded a year focused on the sanctification of priests, as proclaimed by Pope Benedict XVI. Each of us experienced the year as we could. During it, among other things, I "just happened" to browse through an old handbook for seminarians and priests Manuale Clericorum, published over a hundred years ago by Jesuit P. Josef Schneider.1 I was struck by the fact that in its rich content, between the prayer "of one aspiring to the spiritual state" and the prayer "for the grace (needed) to fulfill the commitments of the priestly state," which we logically expect in such a book, I found yet another prayer. This prayer remembers the case that someone might enter the priesthood driven by immature or incorrect motives. I translated it and offer it to you for your reading.
But why did it catch my interest: we can understand it in a broader sense. It was written for priests. Perhaps back then some young men embarked on the priestly path to secure material stability, to achieve social status, to fulfill the wishes of their parents, etc. Subsequently, they realized their misguided approach and sincerely wanted to "catch up" on what could be addressed. And for that, this prayer.
However, a similar mishap can occur when entering marriage or making other important decisions in our lives.
Often, we only later admit what side intentions had a place in our hearts simultaneously, or which impulses or warnings we were refusing to hear. Only in hindsight do we see clearly what shadow of half-truth and mediocrity lies over our decision and on those first (usually so festive) steps on the path we have embarked upon. Then we could easily be tempted by despondency or at least bitterness. The prayer below shows a different way out of such a situation: to humbly entrust ourselves to the merciful Lord and urgently ask for His assistance in our aid.
A Prayer of a Cleric to Rectify Deficiencies Regarding Calling,
If He Did Not Enter His State Properly
Lord, God,
who once chose the Levites to serve you in your tent,
and the household of Aaron to be your priests,
and in the New Testament you called to your holy service
those whom you wanted (Mark 3:13),
only your holy will has the right to choose the servants you wish,
and to equip those whom you have chosen.
And no one can be worthy of your service without your Spirit,
nor can anyone receive your Spirit, unless you give it to him.
Therefore, no one receives for himself the dignity of your service
except the one whom you call as Aaron.
For even your only-begotten Son, who became a man,
did not glorify himself by becoming a High Priest,
but you glorified Him, Lord,
who said to Him: "You are my Son, today I have begotten you" (Psalm 2:7).
How much less can a sinful man
glorify himself
and enter into this share,
unless you call him!
And what dangers does he expose himself to,
if he runs on his own2 and you do not send him!
I realize this, Lord, and I confess to you,
that I should not have entered the spiritual state
and approached your holy service any other way
than in complete obedience to your calling,
truly imbued with a ecclesiastical spirit,
properly prepared,
prompted by the intention to honor you faithfully
and to serve you.
Yes, I know this and I acknowledge,
and may I, as I know it should not have been otherwise,
also say that it did not happen otherwise either!
Then I would have declared with your holy servant:
“I am not disturbed, for I follow you – Shepherd!”
But now I am disturbed by holy fear, that I
– even if not in everything I mentioned, yet in something –
have many debts.
What else do I have now
than to humbly and meekly throw myself at the throne of your grace
and with tears implore:
“Do not remember, Lord, the sins of my youth, my transgressions,
deal with me according to your mercy” (Psalm 25:7),
and if I have perhaps not fully submitted
to your prior calling [that life step],
grant graciously
that I may fully submit now to the one who calls me subsequently.
If I lacked an ecclesiastical spirit,
when I entered the spiritual state,
breathe into me this spirit now mercifully, so that it may work in me
and that I may acquire those prerequisites and virtues,
which I should have brought to your holy service from the beginning,
now or later,
and that the holiness that did not precede could at least follow.
If my eye was not pure
and did not focus solely on the glory of your name and the fulfillment of your will,
but at the same time – and perhaps above all – was fixed on earthly things,
you, Lord, lift up my gaze and turn it, so that it sees only you,
so that I may then serve you with a pure intention
and no longer seek any gain or honor or comfort in this life,
but only your glory and the fulfillment of your will.
Make it so that the less I have strived to serve you and
follow your will so far,
the more diligently I may strive for it from now on
and that I may attain where I will serve you with the angels assisting you
perfectly for all eternity. Amen.
