Despite the affection that everyone shows me, despite the peace and freedom that I enjoy more than ever, I am not satisfied with my new situation. It does not support me, it does not strengthen me. It is quite possible that this impression will change at the front, when I feel that I am needed, that I am comforting, that I am giving courage. For now, I feel like a useless person, like a loafer. I assure you that I would much rather be throwing grenades or operating a machine gun than being so superfluous. What I am about to tell you may not be very orthodox – and yet I believe it is fundamentally true: it seems to me that I would be even more of a priest this way. Is not a priest one who must bear the burden of life in all its aspects and show by his example how to unite human work and love of God?
I am telling you all this because I feel the need to share it with someone. But do not think that I am gloomy or disturbed. The thought that we belong to God, no matter how clumsily we serve Him, offers perfect comfort…
(Pierre Teilhard de Chardin SJ /1881–1955/, letter from the front, to his cousin, February 15, 1917;
quoted from the book Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, The Birth of Thought. Letters 1914–1919, 2021)
