Miriam - The Little Arab Girl
17. The Church. - I am the daughter of the holy Church: she is my Mother. It is an honor for me to call the Church my Mother. Mother of the Church, mystical rose, I love you ... The Church suffers; the Holy Father suffers, his heart is heavy ... The Church is our Mother... When a mother suffers, all her children suffer with her! ... Oh! How I wish to shed my blood for the Church! I offer everything for her, for unity, for the victory of the Church ...
18. The Priest's Prayer. - I am a daughter of the Church. Oh! How much joy the prayers of the priest give me! In the priest, I see no one other than God Himself. I do not seek the learning of the priest, but the action of God in him ...
19. Ad Deum qui laetificat juventutem meam.1 - The priest approaches the altar, old, worn, sick, miserable; it seems to me that he cannot drag himself to the altar. I say: Oh my God, that priest will die before he utters a single word, so sick he is. And lo, as soon as he comes between the two candles, he lifts his eyes to heaven. And in that moment he becomes young and strong; he could walk over mountains. And also the flames of the candles flicker with his breath like dust, flying over the rocks. When I see how this priest has transformed, rejuvenated, and gained strength as if he could almost carry the mountains on his shoulders, I feel my heart, my whole body, everything within me rejoicing with joy and coming alive with a new life ... I see, I feel, but I cannot express the impression that these sighs to God have made on me, these rays that penetrate the Heart of God ... And I raise my voice in assurance that a pure and poor priest, if he is himself a victim of love and obedience, is the image of the sacrificed God. To such a priest at the altar, God can refuse nothing, because he is a living sacrificial gift...
20. Hoping despite one's own misery. - Lord, if an infant were abandoned by its own mother, if everyone threw it into the mud, what could it do? If wild beasts, mosquitoes, wasps, and snakes approached to bite and sting it, it cannot defend itself; it would die of hunger and thirst ... Lord, for my sins I deserve all this evil. I am like that child. But you are my Father; have mercy on me; I am the work of your hands...
21. Hoping despite one's own faults. - Thank you, my God. It is much better to fall [even] a thousand times, when one can say two thousand times: I hope in you, Lord! Look upon my weakness, my misery; You Yourself are my strength. Thank you, thank you for letting me know and hear what I am. I prefer this to miracles. It is much more useful for me. I wish everyone could see me falling. Oh, when I am so miserable and proud, will I feed my pride?2 Lord, thank you, again thank you!...
22. Hoping because of one's own sins. - I sin! How can I hope to get into Heaven? Yes, my God, I hope, because I have many sins. In heaven, I will more than the other sisters radiate God's mercy...
23. Hoping despite despair. - Lord, visit your house. Look upon it. Behold, what wild beasts penetrate inside and destroy it! Visit it, Lord, visit your house... Jesus, visit your garden. Without you, it is cold, there is no fruit in it. Act like a gardener who cultivates and fertilizes the ground; sows, watches, guards, prunes, waters. Your garden is parched. That is my soul; no one will bring even a drop of water there... Come, Lord Jesus; without you, I wither, I fall. Only you are my strength; You Yourself are my joy... Lord, nothing in the world can comfort me, neither creation, nor heaven, nor earth, nor people, nor angels. Nothing can bring me the joy, the peace that I lost losing you, my God. Have mercy on your servant. I hope in your mercy, Lord; without you, I cannot live...
24. Hoping against all hope. - My God, no one has sinned as I have. But I rejoice and hope greatly, because from me your great mercy will shine. I feel hardly any trust; I feel no hope; but I hope against all hope... I feel that I have not died to myself. Therefore, I only fear myself; I have no fear of the devil; he can do nothing, if I do not help him. Nevertheless, despite my malice and my sins, I hope in God. The graces He gives me every day do not bring me comfort. I lean on faith in God and hope against all hope. If I were dying of hunger and thirst and God did not give me bread, I would hope that the moment would come when He would come to satisfy me. Oh! I want to keep hoping and be abandoned by Him...
25. A Prayer for Despair. - You ask of me as a sacrifice, Lord, to abandon your presence; but I cannot consent. Let me suffer as You wish, but do not leave me without Yourself. My God, I can no longer go on. My heart is fainting. Behold, my soul is withering, my heart is sighing; hurry, Lord, with your coming, I cannot live without You. You are my life; without You, I am like a dead, decaying, and stinking body that is falling into dust. I am poor dust and this poor dust calls You: hear it; come and take it, so that You may give it life; otherwise, it will remain a rotting earth. Oh my salvation, come and warm this mold, dissolve the ice that is in my heart. When the sun hides, cold creates ice like stone, and when the sun appears, the ice melts. So my soul, Lord, when you leave it, will be cold as stone, like a dead body. When the soul separates from it, it cools, then it turns green, blackens, worms start to eat it, and it falls into dust... So my soul, Lord, when You abandon it; it cools, rots, I feel that my bones are rotting to the marrow, my skin dries like leather in the sun... Come, come, oh my life. Hurry and come to revive me. I can no longer go on, I am dying, I am falling into dust. And dust cannot praise You and serve You, Lord; grant life to my soul and it will praise You and serve You...
A fish out of water dies. It lives for an hour, two, but then it dies; if it is thrown into water, it comes back to life. So my soul.
What shall I compare myself to? To birds, little birds in the nest. If their father and mother do not bring them food, they die of hunger. So my soul, Lord, without You has no nourishment; it cannot live...
What shall I compare myself to? To a little grain of wheat, planted in the ground. If it does not rain, if the sun does not warm it, the little grain will rot. So my soul, Lord, when it is not watered by the rain of your grace and warmed by the rays of your sun. But if You give it Your moisture and sun, the little grain warms up and swells, puts down roots, a little plant appears, and it produces a ear with many good grains.
If a tree is severed from its root, the tree withers and dies; it is no longer fit for anything but to be cut down and thrown into the fire - but if at least a small root is left in the ground, the tree remains green and brings forth leaves, flowers, fruit. So my soul, Lord, without You has no roots, it is good for nothing, it cannot bear fruit.
When a cut branch dries up, the green fruit on that branch cannot ripen; it remains green, dries up, rots: so is my soul, Lord. But if the branch remains firmly on the tree, it is beautiful and brings forth many fruits.
What shall I compare myself to? To a rose that is cut and left to dry in the hand: it loses its fragrance. But if it stays on the rose bush, it remains fresh and beautiful and keeps all its fragrance.
I am like a lamp without oil; the wick in the lamp cannot burn without oil; if we want to light it, the glass will break and it will go out.3 So is my soul without You, Lord: You are the oil of my soul, which cannot ignite without You and goes out. Fill the lamp of my soul with the oil of your grace, so that it may burn before You.
What do you compare Yourself to, O Lord? To a dove that feeds its young, to a gentle mother who feeds her child.
What do you compare Yourself to, O Lord? Nothing is like You... Show Yourself to me, my God. Pull back the veil that hides You; part the curtain, so I may see You ... I can no longer go on; my heart is fainting, return my life to me. Lift the veil that hides You; I cannot live any longer without seeing You. Come, Lord, hurry to show Yourself to me...
(To be continued in the next issue.)
